REFLECTIONS ON LIFE IN GENERAL?

The Parable of Immortality

By Henry Van Dyke

I am standing by the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white sails

to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength,

and I stand and watch until at last

she hangs like a speck of white cloud just

where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says,

'There she goes! Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and

spar as she was when she left my side and just

as able to bear her load of living freight to the

places of destination.Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,'There she goes! '

there are other eyes watching her coming,

and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :

'Here she comes!'

How many of us reflect on our own lives? When are the times that make us reflect? How often do we reflect on our lives? Over the last couple of days I've experienced death through another ones eyes. It has taken me back to my experience with the death of my best girlfriend, and also to my own little "death" if you will. I will explain briefly these two experiences. Over two years ago my girlfriend(we called eachother sisters) her 5 month old baby, and her little sister were killed in a freak car accident. It left me stunned, dazed, angry, confused, sick, and absolutely heartbroken, I couldn't believe that my heart- the organ itself felt like it had broken. It was all so surreal, when we went over to there home and saw the baby's bed, his blanket still there with his clothing that he'd had on the night before laying there and her shoes on the floor where she left them, it felt as though they were just gone on vacation. Though that was not the case, I would not be seeing them for a very long time. I just couldn't wrap my mind around this! How could this possibly be happening? This is supposed to happen in my world, only people around me. (yes, I know it sounds very selfish- I was being very selfish, but to my defense it amazes me the things that go on in your mind in ones life when grief overcomes you. I felt almost every feeling imaginable) How was I ever going to cope in life without her? It was as though I'd lost everything in the moment of time. Now I understand that this happens everyday to people like you and I. This is not anything new, but it was new to me. My mourning and grieving turned into I needed to know all of the details so that I could have some closure. Fortunately I was able to see those things that I needed for me.

The second experience of "death" if you will is something that is very real, it is something that I think of everyday, it is a very personal thing to my heart. When we found out that we were going to have our 4th and final child, I told my husband that I felt this pregnancy was going to be rough, I'd felt the spirit prompt me of these things. I knew that things would be difficult. If you know my husband, he is not a guy that worries much about anything, more so is one to just be normal! (That's what he calls it!:) ) He told me that everything was going to be just fine, don't think about it he'd say. Well, I'd been prompted of these feelings that I'd had and knew what was going to come......At least I thought so. During my pregnancy, I was put on bedrest, had appt. every other day, high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia, etc. It got to the time for me to be induced labor and about 2-4 hrs. into it I fell into a coma. This is something that doesn't happen!I was in this coma about 15 hours. From the outside everyone thought I'd just fallen asleep and was just exhausted, from the inside I could hear everything that was being said, I could see everyone--though my eyes were closed, I could feel anyone that touched me. While in this coma that I'd fallen into I was screaming inside to Maki, though he had no idea. I was crying for him, but he couldn't hear me. So then I began calling out to my mama and daddy. What was going on? I was thinking. Well, as time went on apparently I had gone in to have them take Suni by emergency C-section, during this time that they were doing this, I stopped breathing, went into a seizure, and I remember very vividly as though I was wide away that my Dr. was on top of me doing chest compressions. I remember how scared I was inside. What was going on with me? Another thing that happened while this was going on was what I was seeing and feeling inside. There was this small moment when I realized that this was going to be it. I was going to die. I began to panic inside, I started telling Maki that I loved him, kiss the kiddos for me, and make sure that he told my family how much I loved them. (All of this inside my head) And all of this went on for just a moment, and then it was PEACE! I felt peace! It was the most wonderful warm feeling I've ever felt. I was okay with this experience: DEATH.

Now of course that was not the end. I'm alive and doing well, but these kinds of experiences leave us reflecting on our own lives. Why do we fight to live? Is is born in us? Is it a human trait? We may never know in this life, and I'm not questioning, it's interesting to me that all of these things go on in just a blink of an eye! For those that have lost someone I'm sorry that you had to go through that, it is a horrible feeling of sadness. But for those that go on with DEATH, and move on to the other side I BELIEVE that it is PEACE. Nothing less than that! What a blessing! I feel very strongly that I felt such a small part of that PEACE.

I'm grateful for these experiences that I've had, they've taught me a lot! My testimony of my Savior and his atonement for me and you is soooooo much stronger and more real than ever before! Every feeling that I've felt is the same that the Savior felt for me while he atoned for me, and even more I'm positive. I wanted to share these things with each of you to share some of my reflections on life. Wishing the best for each of you this coming week. Take care and Peace out!